DBT tools I use for Anxiety, Overthinking and Emotional Dysregulation

I've recently discovered DBT, which stands for Dialectical Behavior Therapy.
I actually just discovered the term. I was doing some similar exercices to manage my anxiety when I spiraled, without knowing it.

DBT had many techniques. It’s a skills-based approach originally created for people with intense emotions (like those with borderline personality disorder or trauma survivors), but it’s now widely used for CPTSD, anxiety, depression, and emotional dysregulation.
The goal isn’t deep talk therapy. It’s learning concrete tools to manage your emotions and relationships more effectively.

I'm sharing the 4 tools i mostly use and that seem to come up most in reddit groups as well.

🌿 1. “STOP” Skill (for when you’re triggered or dissociating)

Purpose: Pause before reacting, to reduce impulsive fawning, panic, or shutdowns.

Steps:

• S – Stop: Literally freeze for a second.
• T – Take a breath: Inhale deeply, exhale slowly.
• O – Observe: Notice what’s happening — what are you thinking, feeling, sensing?
• P – Proceed mindfully: Choose your next move intentionally instead of reacting automatically.

✳️ Try it when someone says or does something that makes your body tighten or you feel the urge to people-please.

‍

💧 2. TIPP (for emotional overwhelm)

Purpose: Calm your nervous system fast when you’re panicking, angry, or flooded.

T – Temperature: Splash cold water on your face or hold an ice cube.
I – Intense exercise: Do 30 seconds of jumping jacks, wall push-ups, or squats.
P – Paced breathing: Inhale 4 seconds, exhale 6–8 seconds.
P – Progressive muscle relaxation: Tense and release muscles from head to toe.

✳️ Great for flashbacks, panic, or when you’re about to spiral.

‍

🪞 3. “Check the Facts”

Purpose: Stop the brain from jumping to catastrophic conclusions or self-blame.

Ask yourself:

• What are the actual facts of what happened?
• What’s my interpretation or story about it?
• Is there another possible explanation?
• What would I tell a friend if they were in this situation?

✳️ Helps with guilt, shame, or ruminating after interactions.

‍

🧡 4. “DEAR MAN” (for asking for what you need or setting a boundary)

Purpose: Communicate clearly without collapsing or exploding.

D – Describe the situation briefly and factually.
E – Express how you feel.
A – Assert what you need or want.
R – Reinforce why it matters (“I value our relationship,” “It helps me feel safe”).
M – Mindful: Stay on topic even if the other person derails.
A – Appear confident: Steady voice, eye contact.
N – Negotiate: Be willing to compromise if appropriate.

Example:

“When you cancel last minute, I feel dismissed. I’d like you to tell me earlier if plans might change. It helps me feel respected and less anxious.”

‍

🌙 5. “Self-Soothing with the Five Senses”

Purpose: Ground and regulate when dissociation or emotional flashbacks hit.

Pick one thing per sense that feels safe or pleasant:

• Sight: Candlelight, nature, a calming video
• Sound: Soft music, rain sounds
• Touch: Weighted blanket, pet, warm shower
• Taste: Herbal tea, mint, something comforting
• Smell: Essential oils, clean laundry, incense

✳️ Do this daily even when you feel fine — it builds emotional resilience.

‍